I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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