He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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