Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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