I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
