home. puking in laundry basket.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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