Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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