walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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