I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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