I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
