I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
