wat bout pragnant strippers??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
