im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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