My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
