I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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