And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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