Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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