I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
