It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
