I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
