Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
