a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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