The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
