return my video game
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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