The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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