he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
