I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
