My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
