His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
