I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
