i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
