i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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