Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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