you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
