I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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