Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think your dad took our porno
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
