So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
