i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
