True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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