so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
