he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
