If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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