Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
