If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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