Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
