You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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