i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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