i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
