Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
