I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
