Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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