they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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