I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
