im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
