I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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